Heart Song | Original

"I remember the years of attending church as a teen and young adult when I’d stand in silence during worship. The only physical response to the music I’d express was in my hands as they softly tapped to the beat on the pew in front of me. My heart longed to burst with song from my lips, but my body pushed it down — solely because I’d been attending church with someone who’d chosen not to outwardly worship, and my young self was too self-conscious to do anything but mirror them.

So I did that for 7 years — whispering my worship through tapping fingers, physically and metaphorically. Jesus felt like a distant friend that I never got to intimately know, thinking I’d missed my chance. I hadn’t gone to church every week while growing up, I didn’t know youth group culture, and I didn’t have every Bible story memorized — as if those were the deciding factors on how to be a true and faithful follower of Jesus.

Everything was kept at a distance. All was a whisper. My worship was a hum.

But then there came a point when the things in life that I felt most secure in were washed away in one great wave, and all that was left was sinking sand where I thought had been a firm foundation.

Without hesitation, I ran to my Father like the prodigal son. He held me like He’d been patiently waiting for this embrace far longer than I’d ever know. There was a place for me in His home.

I suddenly found myself singing from the fullness of my lungs and heart during worship every week after that wave of brokenness washed my spirit anew. Worship has seeped deeper into the rhythms of daily life ever since — in the process of painting, in the making of meals, in my daily walks with fresh air flowing through me, in every sorrow and joy, and in my ongoing conversation with Him.

And now I find myself married to Joshua, a singer/songwriter who leads others in worship unto Jesus every Sunday. I am in AWE of how full circle this life is.

The Holy Spirit dwelling within me has been like having a heavenly song written on my heart, and I cannot help but to sing — with my voice and with paint across a canvas."